Giants among grasshoppers

The last 2 nights have been short of sleep; though tired, I've been unable to sleep. I learned tonight that this is a usual sign of jet lag. Ah...glad it's temporary. Yet, this provided me with an understanding of my inability and His capability today. The fatigue hit me hard and early this morning. "This is going to be a long day," I thought, "God, how can I get through 7 more hours without being awake. I know I don't have it in me; please keep me awake." Suddenly, I was alert, and stayed this way for the entire rest of the day, a complete change from yesterday.

I'm beginning to plan a trip to London for the end of October, but am overwhelmed with finding the time to plan and with thinking through all the details for such a trip. The Forman's have so willingly offered their time and knowledge that I walked in on them looking up cheap flights and hostels for me. I talked to Jill the next day, explaining that unless Julie went, I didn't want to go alone. Jill discussed ways to make the trip economically feasible for Julie to go and so much wanted me to go that she offered, despite the cost, to be my traveling partner if Julie couldn't. Before I left for the day, Jill called Julie and I over to show us a smattering of tickets she had found along with places to stay, discussing options for best traveling dates and converting everything to American dollars to help us grasp the planning better. All this to say, of myself, I could never have gotten this information, but God worked around me without me.

God again showed His adequacy in my inadequacy later that night at a new arrival's party. At the end, BFA's director, Tim Shuman, read something in which the author said how each of us has a God part that cannot be filled except by Him. We cannot "succeed" except by Him. I thought about how clearly God has been teaching me this through student teaching. Thus far, I've had little moments along the way where I think, "oh my word, I can never do this. I'm not smart enough, not good enough..." Then I stop and think, "well, yeah, of course I can't, but God can." I've hear this preached a lot, but this shouldn't make it trite. I began thinking that perhaps it's not until I am in a situation uncomfortable or seemingly "beyond myself" that I most realize it. Yet, Christianity makes it clear that I never have what it takes to do what it takes. So, then I wonder about the many times I've walked away from a situation and considered it "successful" or "unsuccessful" because of what I could or could not do. When actually, both situations could have been perfect if I had the faith to not rely on my preparation or ability so as to let God do what He wills through me. I've heard this a lot, but have seen it in actuality this week. The fun part is getting to see miraculous results that could never have happened if it had been of/through me. If of me, I ho-hum along kicking over ant hills and wondering "where's the exciting Christian life? Where are the mountains?" My common misconception has been that the exciting missionary type of life and miracles only happens in foreign missions. But, this misconception comes from my lack of faith.

Watchman Nee says, "God sets us free from the dominion of sin, not by strengthening our old man but by crucifying him; not by helping him to do anything but by removing him from the scene of action. For years, maybe, you have tried fruitlessly to exercise control over yourself, and perhaps this is still your experience; but when once you see the truth you will recognize that you are indeed powerless to do anything, but that in setting you aside altogether God has done it all. Such a discovering brings human striving and self-effort to an end."

This post only lists a few scenarios where God has proven all-sufficient in my insufficiency; I could write many more. I confidently trust He'll provide me with what I need to do "impossible things," and best of all, to do them without anything of me that is not of Him. I feel like Caleb and Joshua; God is a giant among the grasshoppers.

Oh - and one more instance. Since my first day, I've been kicking myself for not bringing my water bottle. I like to drink a lot of water, but can't/won't unless I care a bottle around; not drinking enough water definitely affects my performance, energy, health, etc. Plus, Germans don't drink a lot of tap water, so it's not easily accessible. I prayed God would provide me with a cheap water bottle. My favorite kind are nalgenes, but I didn't even expect something like that as it would most definitely cost 15+ Euros. I would be fine with some cheapy. As I was walking by the office today, I saw two nalgene bottles in the window that are the exact shape, color, and size of my absolute favorite nalgene at home. I wondered if they were from lost and found or something. As I got closer I saw that they had a sweet BFA logo on them with a sign "water bottles: 4 Euros each." I couldn't believe it! So cheap! I bought one right away and was told they were the only two left. I am now happily drinking water and thanking God. :)