I finished my last day at Red Robin last Friday. After having worked a swollen schedule that week, I was glad for the end. Yet, it was bittersweet. I've developed some good relationships there over the last 3 months; I often don't realize how meaningful someone is to me until I say "goodbye." They surprised me with a "best wishes" cake and one of my co-workers treated me to a farewell meal. All in all, I felt blessed and loved. My managers, especially, were very kind, one saying, "Oh, you know you'll be back," (oh dear, I hope not!! :) and another saying, "If it weren't that you were going on to do something so fun, I'd wish you here in a flash" (thank you for not!). I hope to drop in every once in a while to revisit, though I'm sure it won't be quite the same. Memories smooth reality into beauty. I'm glad for the 3 years there and the much I've learned; I'm ready for the next phase: teaching!!!
Thinking of teaching overseas makes me feel more and more scared! It doesn't diminish my excitement for being there, but it does increase my anxiety concerning my expectations. I fear not being prepared for the level of teaching. The teaching level will be high, but I think wouldn't be that concerning in a normal scenario with CU/American resources. However, when adding a new culture, separation from close and stabilizing relationships, a new language, new responsibilities, a new way of living (i.e. no car, portable communication, limited States communication, and my inability to read German), and a new spiritual environment to the teaching level, my ability to focus and put my abilities into teaching greatly diminishes. I'm especially concerned about not having the teaching resources I'm used to in the states. Perhaps, however, this is exactly planned by God (not "perhaps," but "definitely.") My ability to be self-sufficient and relient won't work for me now, I anticipate. All along I've looked forward to these three months as a spiritual sabatical and a "relearning" as I jump into the European, missionary culture of Kandern, Janz team, and BFA, yet now I think I'm beginning to see that God has much more planned for my spiritual growth than the little (which I thought was "a lot" :) I anticipated. Surprise, surprise, why do I always find myself putting God in a box?
So, prayer requests:
- Fruitful last days in the states: getting things done and investing relationally
- Spiritual preparation: prioritizing prayer, Scripture, and fellowship with my accountability partners
- That God would take my fears and anxiety away and replace it with peace and faith
- That I would lower my expectations (which will be illuminated in a foreign culture) and increase my flexibility
- That I would have both discernment and wisdom: I anticipate being in a lot of unfamiliar circumstances in Germany both situationally and relationally where these qualities will really be useful.
Despite all this "fear" talk, I really am SO EXCITED about going! Since I decided to do this, God has only increased my desire and anticipation. Yes, I fear, but I want my fear to only push me to work more diligently, prayer more fervently, and step up to the challenge more confidently. It'll be an adjustment, to say the least, but I really do anticipate and desire the stretching and growing it will produce in me.
Thanks for your support and prayers....whoever reads this.
